Dating/Finding happiness in thyself

Dating Culture in Utah

Dating in Utah is the weirdest thing known to man. It almost feels like the hunger games...seriously.

People here date to marry which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I feel everyone should. But when you are 18/19 dating to marry in the next few months that has always been a weird BYU concept I still struggle to grasp

Ever heard the saying ring by spring?

Yeah it is a real thing here. As a freshman in her second semester I know of a few girls who got married their first semester after meeting their "eternal companion" on the dating app mutual. Another saying beware of the RM's--20 year old young adult men graduated high school two years ago. Since they served a two year mission fell as if they are fit to start a family...interesting right?

Being from Africa and living in NJ I have never seen more married obsessed new adults until I moved to Utah/BYU. But by all means to each his own. I am not here to judge others, but simply I am still trying to understand. For me I feel as a teen/young adult I barely know what I want let alone being someones wife and worrying about someone else.

A few days a go I went to an event we have on campus called PEN talks. You should definitely attend this event. It is where college student are on a panel and there is a topic and the audience anonymously asks questions. The topic happened to be "Dating a Relationships"

Dating as a Minority

There is dating in Utah, and then there is dating as a minority in Utah. Very different, trust me. As a minority myself--yes surprise. I have been on one date since I have been here. The guy approached me during church with the lamest pickup line asked for my number, and texted me the next day. Long story short we went to watch a movie "A star is born" and we never talked again since safe to say he was not my "eternal companion." I am not one to be too obsessed/worried when it comes to dating. Well I should say I wasn't until I cam here. I realized I was conforming into the Provo society and immediately snapped back. I always have in mind that there is someone out there for me. Living in Utah makes you question that for a while. When you see your roommates constantly get asked out on dates you start to question who you are as a person. Am I not pretty? Why is it always the white girls? My black friends are constantly sad by the lack of dates they go on. It saddens me, because I always tell them that they are beautiful, and guys here are just weird. Another tip which I try to tell them is to approach the guy first and ask him on a date. There is no harm in shooting your shot which I think a guy would totally find attractive. I noticed here in Utah is that a lot of gils place their worth on men. How can you start a relationship with someone when you aren't happy with yourself? Going back to the topic of dating as a minority it is difficult. Speaking to my friends thoughts that come into their mind when they see a guy who they are semi interested in getting to know is "does he like black girls?" or "he probably doesn't like black girls!" having that mindset you are already creating artificial barriers and stopping any chance of progress before it even starts. Not going to lie I do that all the time. I mean it is hard not to when black girls are always the least wanted. Due to this I honestly do not waste my time liking people, but rather I wait for them to have interest in me first and take it from there. It is such a bad habit. I have had friends who tried the mutual dating app and when she finally got a match--to a white guy his response was something a long the lines of you think I will actually like someone like you. This was heartbreaking for her.

As someone who has never been in a relationship I don't exactly know what I am "missing" out on. Heartbreak I guess?

I have also observed that people are afraid to approach black girls why? I don't know but if you are someone attracted to a black girl I promise just approach her YOURSELF go for it. We are humans just like everyone else. We don't bite...I promise. Plus everyone loves a bold guy!

Digress

A conversation I heard when I was studying at the Wilk short for Wilkinson--he was a racist. (hang out spot)

Girl 1: I really like you sweater

Girl 2: Thanks! are you dating anyone, and if you are I hope you get married soon!

Me: WTF (Where is the food hehe ;)

Since when was i hope you get married a compliment? Oh Utah! SMH

Finding happiness in yourself

A common mistake that I have made since I have been in Utah is trying to find happiness is other people, things to make me happy. Don't do this because it will only play a role in your downfall. It is second semester and I am just now realizing to find happiness in myself. What lead to my downfall was I would constantly try to find happiness in friends or activities, and when they let me down I felt lost. I noticed if I find happiness in myself I will never let myself down.With that mindset I am still trying and let me tell you it is great!

P.S I know this entry is super short, but I am only a freshman with little dating experience. This is all observation.